Richie Mylar, Let Your Gentleness Be Known
December 16, 2012 in Uncategorized
Philippians 4:4-7
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Richie Mylar (Richard E. Mylar) sat across from me in the fourth grade. In our odd, round, experimental school house, rooms had open fronts. In those rooms, we were often clumped as grouped desks or tables that divided us into 3′s or 4′s. In my and Richie’s case, we were two.
To me, Richie seemed a wild animal. He pressed towards me across the table on his forearms, fists made into balls. “I’m going to kill your mother,” he told me. “And your cat. With my .22.” His sea-blue eyes cut the air between us. Unattended red hair spiked from his head in dull tufts. No one had combed it. No one had cared for his clothes. How did this boy even make it to school?
From across the table, I saw a boy’s face. It was hungry, dirty and full of rage. Even to my young eyes it was clear: no one was caring for this child. My world was soft. The difference terrified me. Day after day, he leaned into me to describe his plans. The stress wore me down. Finally, I told my mother.
My mother entered that classroom like the blade of a knife. Her eyes burned a path as she headed for Richie. Moving sideways on her crutches through an isle of desks and tables, her target was clear. Richie had made a terrible mistake. He had entered a grizzly’s den.
Of course, I had no idea what happened between them. I only knew the sight of my own mother frightened even me as she maneuvered down that isle. When I turned to see her coming, I was scorched to the gut by the burn of her fixed eye. She spoke directly to Richie, and then escorted him away.
After, there was a sudden peace. Richie didn’t pick on me anymore. He didn’t even behave strangely toward me. It was just over. For the rest of our school years, Richie raised a friendly arm to me and met me with a genuine smile. In fact, I shortly grew to like him, and he me. Nothing had changed in his hard life, but he brought no grief to mine. He was a friend, though distant, and he offered real warmth.
Actually, the incident in fourth grade was an isolated one. The year before he had made the friendly offer to share some crawdads. Secreted under his third grade desk was a pot borrowed from his home kitchen. In it were countless crawdads that he had caught. He whispered to me about the various colors and sizes he’d discovered. His little scientist marveled at their differences, displaying them with pride. I took home three, a gift from Richie.
My senior year was irregular. Forced to change schools for twelfth grade, I was separated from Richie, and the rest of my class. At the end of our senior year, luck crossed our paths for one last moment before we thrust ourselves into the world. In a gas station in Paden City, suddenly, he was next to me. His sea-blue eyes hung on a backdrop of red, and his smile was ready for me, along with a hug.
“You know, I still have nightmares about your mother!” he said. “I dream about her coming after me with those crutches!” I looked into his face and swam with worry. “Richie, please, take care of yourself. Stay away from drinking. Stay away from drugs.” I don’t remember the content of his response; but it was delivered with a hug, a shrug and a blessing as we drifted apart and into the world.
I worried so much about what would happen to Richie. Alcohol and drugs are common ways that young people self-medicate when their lives are full of fear and pain. It often leads to addiction. To me, he was the neglected boy from fourth grade. A fragile child had been brutalized, and then abandoned at the edge of life’s road. What kind of miracle would life demand from this one? Never taught the skills of life, how does one survive?
Whenever I talked to someone back home, I asked about Richie. When I got news, it was never good. Richie struggled with drugs, sometimes stole to support his habit, sometimes shared a stash for the very same reason. Everything about him was defined by the degree of trouble he was in. Never violent, never cruel, Richie’s path was more painful for him than anyone else; yet, the neglected child that grew into this man was forgotten. Now, he was just a villain.
In 2007, I was running for my life. More than for me, I was running for the lives of my boys. Arthur and Erik were stirring inside me, and I wanted safety more than anything on earth. Back in West Virginia, my rattled nerves reverberated off of the tight gaps in the hills. I kept my hand to my stomach, soothed my babes, and held on. I hoped to see Richie; but I didn’t.
Life plucked those children from me, one by one. From deep in my grief, I reached up with a desperate hope. I created J. From abuse, to NICU life, to grief, to new motherhood, to grief, to expectant motherhood, again: I felt so broken. I was happily pregnant, but I was worn.
My feet rocked against wooden floor of the TruValue Hardware Store in Paden City, where my aunt worked. My pregnant belly was robed in checkers as my worried eyes darted around the room. Abuse had made me cagey, while motherhood had made me calm. In the middle of my half relaxed, half tensed state, Richie walked in.
I froze, and I gaped. “Are you Richie Mylar!?”
His smile awoke like a flower. His voice, husky with time, said my name. I started to cry.
I cried as he hugged me. I saw that young boy. I saw his dull, red hair clumped over his eyes. I heard all the rumors and relived the articles from the paper. Sweet Richie. Look what life had done.
He gave me his phone number, but late pregnancy and new motherhood filled up my world. When I went to look for Richie, he was gone.
An article in the Tylar Star News from December of 2008 describes his sentencing hearing. Richie was going back to prison for attempted breaking and entering. It wasn’t until after he was gone that I heard. His brother happened to become my neighbor. He told me where to send a letter.
When I heard Richie was coming home, I sent word with his brother. “Stop and see us!” He never did. I wasn’t surprised. I know how hectic life can get. Still, I worried.
Then, last Christmas, I ran into him in the store. “Erika!” his sea-blue eyes fell right on me. I felt a full, round touch on my soul. We touched shoulders and gripped forearms as we spoke, exchanging bits of news and our personal lives. “Have you been working?” he asked me.
When I told him no, there was a break in our chatter. Richie reached for his wallet, without pause.
“Merry Christmas, Erika,” he said, pressing money into my hand.
I protested, but Richie would not take it back. It was fifteen dollars. There was little green left in the brown leather folds of his wallet after he gave it to me. “No,” he said. “Please.”
In life’s shuffle, five of those dollars were spent. The other ten stays folded in my wallet, just as he handed it to me. I won’t spend it. This is a reminder of a gift. It is a reminder of the touch of Christ that came to me through Richie Mylar, and a tie back to our beloved friend.
I heard recently that Richie is back in jail, this time, for selling prescription drugs. I looked up the article in the Wetzel Chronicle. The accompanying photograph made me snort out a bitter laugh. A bit of money was spread around to look like a lot. A few pipes for smoking marijuana were pictured, along with a small bag of weed. There were also five pill bottles. Richie did have legitimate prescriptions for some things. I know friends with far more bottles than he. What I saw in that picture was an addict’s stash, and a few pills slung to maintain it. This man needed compassion, love, treatment and life skills, not more wasted time in jail.
After searching the internet, I found an article about his 2008 arrest. He was worried about returning to jail because the last time he was incarcerated they had denied him his cancer medication. When I read that, I burst into tears.
Tonight, I talked with a friend of Richie’s son. She told me about Richie from her perspective. With the skills that come only from the heart, he had loved his boy. Even if he didn’t always know how to be the perfect father, he was a father. He was present with love. That was more than Richie had ever known, but he had found a way to give it.
This Christmas, Richie will be in jail. How many Christmases has he spent there? What were his Christmases like as a child? How many tiny ones are following in his footsteps, right now?
In Richie’s hometown, they seem to revel in maligning him. Where he came from is a thing of the past. He is, as he has always been, an easy target. Yet, let’s think about Jesus for a minute. What kind of people did Jesus hang around with? What seed of goodness did he see in their hearts?
When I am feeling all out of hope, I take out that ten dollar bill. I see Richie’s face, and see the warmth of his eyes. In his act of love, he was lifted. A life like Richie’s is full of forgotten moments like that. Sometimes it’s a few crawdads, sometimes it’s a few dollars, but every time it comes from a place deep inside that he’s learned to tap on his own. It comes from a place that is pure.
Please, this Christmas season, let’s remember Richie in our prayers.
And if you have a moment, please send him a hand written note to let him know he is not forgotten. GREETING CARDS ARE NOT ALLOWED BY THE JAIL
Richard E. Mylar
Northern Correctional Facility
RD 2 Box 1
Moundsville, WV 26041
Luke 23:32-43
32 Two other men, both criminals, were also led out with him to be executed. 33 When they came to the place called the Skull, they crucified him there, along with the criminals—one on his right, the other on his left. 34 Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”[a] And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.
35 The people stood watching, and the rulers even sneered at him. They said, “He saved others; let him save himself if he is God’s Messiah, the Chosen One.”
36 The soldiers also came up and mocked him. They offered him wine vinegar 37 and said, “If you are the king of the Jews, save yourself.”
38 There was a written notice above him, which read: this is the king of the jews.
39 One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: “Aren’t you the Messiah? Save yourself and us!”
40 But the other criminal rebuked him. “Don’t you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence? 41 We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.”
42 Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.[b]”
43 Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.”
Erika, your story of Ritchie touched me so. Yes Ritchie has been in trouble with the law through the years but he has always been a part of the Lewis family. Ritchie and I walked together in 8th Grade graduation and seldom did I see him that we didn’t talk of that graduation day. I must add here that not only is Ritchie in jail but his oldest son Joshua, following in his fathers footsteps, is in jail and his youngest son Jason is in trouble and the boys’ mother is in a homeless shelter. The cycle continues in this family and it is heart breaking. Because just as you saw the good in Ritchie, I too have seen it. A victim of circumstances. Thank you for sharing your story and please keep the entire family in your prayers. I can not condone what they have done because there comes a time in each of our lives that we have to quit blaming everyone else and be held accountable for our own actions but I truly understand and have compassion for this family.
I often wonder if i would have stayed in my old home town things may have been different,the richie i remember,and knew well worked hard for a dollar but something changed while i was away,we was friends then i heard this that and the other,i too knew his torment probly better than most its a tragedy to hear an old friend fall,i know pickin yourself up is a hard thing to do i myself had to do it not an easy road but im proud of who ive become in this life i really hope someday richie can do the same in this life or anotherchange is not a bad thing god bless and take care richie an old friend
Thanks for the coments i knew richie years ago the richie i knew was different then now so tragic hope things do get better for richie change would be a good start
I remember you, Mike. Thank you so much for your good words. I want to collect positive stories about Richie, put them all together in a letter and send them to him. I am hoping it will show him how much he is loved and valued, and maybe help him love himself more. If you have a good story to share about Richie, I would really appreciate you sharing it with me.
Peace and Blessings to you, dear brother. I’m so glad your life is a good one.
erika quiroz
Good ol’ Richie. :]
I wish I could post this on the Paden City Block Watch page on Facebook….seems like they have a Richie hating fan club,I’m sure alot are victims of his scams but instead of hating, help encourage change,and find forgiveness!
You are so right, Alisha. God asks us to look at one another through His eyes, not our own. Richie has never gotten the support or help he needs to really turn his life around. It is very hard to change when you have been through the amount of abuse that he has. He needs a lot of support, behavioral counseling, addiction therapy and real life skills–not more jail.
What is someone like Richie supposed to do? With his record, who will hire him? How do we help someone in his position to find peace, productivity and happiness? We should challenge ourselves with those questions instead of wasting energy on judgement and hate.
Rest easy, sister. I did post it to that page.
All you have to do is copy the link, then paste it into a post. It pops right up. If it’s not there, it is because they deleted it.
Richie, Is a good man if people would give him a chance, I am a good friend of his oldest son josh and a close friend of their family. They have really never had much, but Richie would give me the shirt of his back if i would ask for it. he would do anything, go out of his way if i needed help. PAden City cops like to pray on him because he is an easy target just like his son Jason, they basically get blammed for everything that would happen on 1st ave. This is going to be aa very haard Christmas for momma Flo, My prayers are with you and your family. How is Richie suspose to stay out of trouble when none will give him a chance, so he has to do what is right or wrong to support his family to have food on the table and a roof over their head, and that is the main role of a father in my eyes. But does anyone know where Flo is staying since it is close to Christmas i would like to do something nice for her, because i know how hard its going to be for her this year, My thoughts and Prayers go out to you and your Family.. i love you guys
I have known Richie my whole life and he can be a good person he has always been nice to me when we were in school we would help each other with our work in mrs.meckley’s room I was the only one that he would let help him.There is alot of good in Richie he just needs help to see that and I hope that they or he gets the help that he needs. Your friend always and forever……
Thank you for sharing your story. I was deeply touched. Back in my younger, running around years, I crossed pathes with Richie a few times. In fact my sister-in-law and I were just laughing about old times the other day and Richie was a part of the story. I am sorry to hear he is back in jail but I am inspired by your compassion, love and mercy. We tend to find it so much easier to judge than to love. I will be praying for Richie and his family as well as for you and yours. Merry Christmas!
Rebecca, thank you so much for leaving a comment. I want to collect positive stories about Richie and send them all to him. Maybe it will uplift him and help him feel wanted and respected. If you’d like to share a story with me, I’d love to include it.
Peace and blessings to you, and Merry Christmas to you and yours.
As I read this all I could do was smile because this is the first time I have ever come across a story about Richie that was not all about scams, drugs, or anything else negative.
I have known Richie for a very long time and he defiantly has pulled his fair share of slick tricks, if you catch my drift. But, he has always been good to myself as well as my family. Richie has a big heart and would be the first one to jump in and help during a time of need. Not to mention he is the most hysterical human being I have ever met!
Alisha, I had the same thought as I was reading this. Thank you for posting this to PC Blockwatch page.
Erika, thank you for sharing this story!!
Kelsi, thank you so much for speaking up for Richie. IF you have a personal story to share about it, please do. I want to collect them to send to Richie so he can see that he is loved, valued and respected. I think it would make an excellent Christmas gift and may inspire him to embrace a new life.
Blessings to you!
I as well have known Ritchie all my life. As many of you have said. Mention the name in Paden City and there is not much good heard. Well maybe these people have a reason to say the things they say. But for me I just straight up ask him. And have no reason to not believe what he tells me. I have never known him to lie to me or steal from me. And every time I am in town he knows he is welcome at my house. And I make sure that (as little as it may be) that I pay him for all the work he does for me. I am one of seven children and I think we all would agree. That no matter what Ritchie would Do anything for us that he can. He dearly loved my parents as well. And would do anything for them that he could. Bad rap,bad life what ever be the reason. We all know that we are the only one that makes that decision as to what we do when the time arrives in our lives and no one but Ritchie knows why he has made the choices that he has. I just told my son a few weeks back that if I were ever to move back to P.C. and start a business I would want him to be my lead person, Because he is a very intelligent and talented person. Is it true what people say about him I don’t know But be honest with you I don’t care, because the Ritchie I know is one hell of a good person to me and all of my family. Will miss you this weekend Ritchie…Later Tom
Tom, what you wrote made me want to stand up and cheer. I knew I was doing the right thing by getting behind this good man!
Peace to you and yours!!!!
Thank You for posting..
thanks for posting, many times ive needed a hand doing something and Rich was the first person i went to for help, because i knew he would be the last person id have to ask for help…im pretty young, in good shape and pride myself on being a pretty hard worker and just this summer i had ol Rich workin circles around me on a tree job with my uncle…i dont necessarily agree with the bad things he does but because i dont shut him out for his misdeeds against others i am a beneficiary of the good in him, and i suppose i always will be. I Love Rich, hes treated me like a son, looking out for me, helping me and sharing alot of wisdom with me. Just last year a friend from the first avenue went to jail, Richie called up his preferred bondsman and got her out on his good word, telling the bondsman, “you will have your money come friday” this was a tuesday. True to his word, the money was there for the friends bail. Hes not a bad person, just a person that makes bad decisions….
i should note that i could go on for two days about him….one last thing, people in desperate situations will do desperate things
If you can go on for two days, go on! I love to hear it. I am in tears right now because of your comment. it is a Christmas gift to me. You can bet I will include it when i write Richie to share all the great things said about him. Your insight is beautiful. Merry Christmas to you, and peace to you always.
I am so thankfull for some things that Richey did for me. I lived down the street from him. I was in an abusive relationship in which my husband drank a bottle of whiskey off and on during the day when he was home ( he worked on the river) . Richey seen my husband at times in a rage. Richey talked to me and encouraged me to get out of the marriage. He told me he would be there for me . If I leave him and couldn’t make it he and flo would help me with food or get someone to give me a ride when needed. He is a very kind person as if flo. he said to me come to his house and he would take care of me and not let my husband in. He told me to call him when my husband was in a rage and he would come right up and he would be there for me. He showed up unannoused to make sure everything was ok. He is compassionate to those in need of help, he will do anything to meet the needs of any who ask or if he feels you need help he would do it and not expect anything in return. He loves his children very much as he would always talk about them while we drank coffee at times the whole pot. He discused how things were going with his family and jason would come by with or without richey to make sure i didnt need anything. He taught his children to be compassionite and to help anyone that needs it. He may have grown up without morals and vaules but he didnt want his children to grow up that way. My boyfriend had some tree jobs to do. He told me richey is a great worker, so he hired him. I was able to see him work and was so impressed. He didnt want to take a break even when the younger men did. I am blessed to be able to say he is my friend. He was such a blessing in my life that I thank GOD for the friendship.
Terri, you bless me so much by sharing your experiences with Richie. As a person who has survived abuse, his defense of you really moves me. I think it is so awesome that he encouraged you to get away, and that he offered himself and his home as a shelter to you. This is what I am talking about when I talk about Richie. In spite of his missteps, there is a wonderful person at the heart of him. I know, with the right kind of support, that person can shine.
Thank you so much for your testimony, sister. Blessings and Peace to you this holiday season, and always.